On Friday night I went to Judgement House at Calvary Baptist in Grand Prairie.
It is like a drama that you walk through and watch a different scene from a play in each room.
The play follows 4 people in their last hour of life and then into eternity.
It shows that half of the people go to heaven and the other half to hell and then it takes you through hell and then into heaven.
It was a very good play and the place was packed we had to wait for an hour and a half to start the walk that takes 59 mins.
But anyways, at the end of the play they take you into a large room and everyone gets to talk to a counselor about the choices that they have made and whether or not they would go to heaven if they died within the hour.
So the counselor who chose me just so happened to be the "dorm mother" that I had for the entire time that I lived in the dorms at school(4 years). And since she was sure of my salvation she decided to catch me up on her life and then began to ask about where I was in life.
I told her that I had gotten married and the divorced and that I was really broken up about the whole thing and began to cry talking about the whole thing.
She then in all of the love that she had in her heart told me in no uncertain terms that I had sinned against God big time and that I knew that getting a Divorce was wrong and how could I have ever done this to God and to me and that I was a HUGE sinner and need to pray right then to ask God for forgiveness and plead for his mercy because I knowingly sinned against God.
She then told me that even though we are divorced that in God's eyes he is still my husband and always will be, that I can never have another man for the rest of my life and that is to be my punishment for sinning against God's will for my life.
So , she says that I need to go to my husband and make things right and demand that he take me back because I have prayed and asked God's forgiveness so he then would automatically forgive me and take me back.
I told her that we had been working on things and he was not ready to jump back into things right now and that we had a long way to go to make things right between us.
She then in all of her righteousness told me that I should continue to sleep with my husband and to make him happy.
And to try by all means possible to make him happy in all ways so that we can get back together.
So, then she says that we don't have to get married again because we still are married in God's eyes.
So in short a woman that I respected her faith and walk with God told me that I should sleep with a man that I am not married to and try to get him to move in with me and that we should live happily ever after and not get married.(again)
Her words and prayer for me have really been bothering me alot and have reduced me to tears on several occasions in the past few days .
It hurts me to hear someone say that there is something that I can do that would change my relationship with God and that I have made a terrible mistake that God will be forever punishing me for in this life.
So, if God is punishing me for it then has he really forgiven me for it?
Why won't God forgive me my sins?
Does God really not love me anymore?
Why would she say that to me? Is it true ?
So many things have clouded my mind with what she said to me that it is hard for me right now to know what is truth. Like I said I lived with this woman and took classes with her as the teacher and took her husbands classes and general thought that she was a woman of God and everything. So it is hard for me not to take her seriously and in general not to get my feelings hurt.
And it really touched me also and I have been really encouraged by this passage.
I am trying to make it my prayer this week
Lord,
leave me not to my oppressors, Do not let the arrogant oppress me,
Deal with me in your love, Teach me more of you that I may understand & know your ways. Psalm 119:121-125 (Karen abbreviated version)
This week I started to go to a Bible study for women my age and really loved it. I even talked and cried in front of them and really felt at ease.
I hope that the Bible study will be a real blessing to me and a place for me to learn and to grow and to maybe make some friends ( we will see, I so don't do new people all that well at all) but I will try.
I think that I said this last week but it is so good to be back "home" at church and to really feel like I am growing and seeing God work in my life and feeling like again I hear Him talking to me in the sermons and lessons.
Pray for me that I will be able to know what is of God and what is not as I deal with my divorce and try to seek out God's will for my life these confusing days.
Karen
P.S.
I am sorry that this was so long.
1 comments:
#1: We still have to deal with the consequences of our sins, even though we are forgiven. God doesn't always rescue us from our choices. But that doesn't mean we're not forgiven.
#2: Satan can speak through the mouths of Christians (who let him) just as much as God can speak through non-Christians. Just bc she is a Christian doesn't mean everything she says is "from God." I've had to learn that lesson too.
#3: YOU are a child of God, and as long as your trying to seek Him out and listen for His voice, He won't lead you wrong. If you are trying to do what God wants you to do (ie, taking a healthy amount of time to try and reconstruct and "fix" problems in your past marriage and with yourself) then NO ONE can tell you any different.
Are you a sinner? Yep, so am I, and so is the professor. We are not perfect, therefore, we can give un-perfect advice. Read the Word, find different opinions, pray for discernment, then do what you know to the best of your ability to be right.
I'm glad you're going to that Bible study. I wish i lived closer or had something like that here. Praying for you always..sorry this was long.
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