This pain inside me sometimes over takes me leaving me nothing but tears and fears.
No attachment to anyone, no reason to call me, no reason to write, no reason at all.
Nothing holds me to anyone.
I stand alone, unfairly served this plate, having to drink of this bitter cup, no one to think about.
Alone and scared that I will forever be alone wandering in this world without someone that matters tied to me.
Drowning in the darkness that loneliness brings.
Sometimes I can’t wade, sometimes I won’t swim just want to breathe deep and let the water flow in.
Never a baby always blood, not just a tear always a flood.
I stand alone in the middle of here wishing so much that I had a tie to there.
A life to hold me to someone, something to pull me out of here.
So far behind, so far to go, so much that I will never know.
Wanting so much to have a future, wanting so much to have a purpose, wanting so much to have a family wanting so much, that’s not for me.
Alone I stand wanting to be something to someone other than me.
Forever disconnected to a life that I want so much.
Wanting to be connected to a life, wanting to go on.
Longing for a life connection
Wishing and wanting hurting and crying, deep inside all I can feel is dying.
Wishing and wanting hurting and crying my eyes out until I can no longer see everything that I cannot be.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Wishing, wanting,hurting & crying. ( A poem )
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1 comments:
wow, you are so good at expressing your feelings with words! I'm so sorry that life has not turned out the way you'd planned. That along with good and amazing memories, you're also left with pain. Although in different ways, I understand.
So, where are you living now and how did you get there? I'm in Ennis for now. We moved in with my parents hoping/looking for a job. We left arlington separated and continuing marriage counceling. A month later we got pregnant. A week before I started school I had a threatened miscarriage for 2 weeks. I dropped out of school to be on bed rest (despite the fact that the dr.s said I'd lose the baby anyway...which I didn't.) So we worked for a church there in Marshall, the school changed the degree program I went there for...meaning I couldn't get the degree anymore. So, here we are in Ennis. The hometown I swore I'd never come back to. God loves be ironic.
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