Would you like to take a survey????

So, as some of you know and other may not I got a new job like 3 weeks ago.
I am a researcher. Wow sounds so exciting right!
Well I am a telemarketer who doesn't sell anything. I call people to take surveys.
So , I say " Would you like to take a survey?" about 1500 times a day.

So here is a brief FYI on the whole thing.
The next time that your phone rings unknown number and there is a person on the other end asking you to take a survey here are a few pointers.

Hanging up in their face will get you A) a call back some other day B) a call back every 3 mins because you are rude C) cause someone to lose their job for no producing because you are rude.

Being overly rude when someone is only asking you to take a survey is not cool. You will get no points from anybody for the number of telemarketers you cuss in one day ZERO points.

Yelling that you are on the "Do Not Call list" and slamming the phone down gets you nowhere but redialed another time or in like 3 mins.
The " Do not call list" is a list of numbers that cannot be called in hopes of selling something or getting a donation or contribution.
Surveys are free and it is the law that people who take surveys cannot be called back to be sold something due to what they said in the survey.
We have a do not call list that I may sign you up for if I want to if you are nice, don't yell about it, don't argue that you are already on it, try to tell me that I have broke the law and you are going to file a police report.
Don't tell me that you want my supervisor, because we don't have one who wants to talk to your rude ass anyways.
Oh yeah and after you nicely ask me to put you on the do not call list I will and after 30 days we can call you back about something different or the same project if we aren't done with it yet.

But why in these time of economic uncertainty would I put your name on the list or you would ask so that people can lose their jobs and have less work. Never ask for the do not call list it only hurts the working people.

If you just take the survey we won't call you back.


Freaking out that I am your husbands other girlfriend calling makes me laugh and redial you.
I am not calling to steal your man nor I am already his girl.
I am calling and asking for him because A) I have his name on the list to speak to only him. B) I have already talked to all the women that are needed in the survey. Oh yeah and there just might be the chance that I would lure him away that is also why I go to work is to call men on the other side of the country to try to take them from their wives..
So answering questions like these:
I am doing surveys of men aged 18-34 today is there one available that might come to the phone?
Answer: If he was available he wouldn't be living here.
Is the man of the house available?
Answer: If he was available he would be at your house and not mine.
May I speak to ____ Mans name?
Answer: He is my man what do you want with him?
And my all time favorite would be:

Can I speak to ___ mans name?
Answer: He is with OUR children I am His WIFE what can I do for you?

We are doing lost of political surveys so this means that you will have to talk about political issues.
So if you are asked who you might vote for then it is not the real vote and apparently not a secret ballot .
It is legal to ask you who you might vote for because I am not an election official nor do I really care.

It is against the law to call and try to get you to vote for someone.
I call and tell you all the bad and the good on both sides and then ask you based on what I just told you good and bad of both candidates who would you vote for.
I haven't swayed your vote because I provided and equal amount of information and asked a question.

How did I get your number?
The computer dialed it I don't have your number. I may have your name and address but I do not have your number.

Why am I calling so late?
The law allows me to call until 10PM whether or not you go to bed at 5 PM or not that is the law.
Sept - Nov. 15 I can call until 10:30 pm about political issues.
If you don't like it talk to the attorney general in your state don't yell at me I am getting paid to do this.

How many times are you going to call here today?
I can call you up to 5 times in one day and ask for you, 5 times to ask for you husband so I can steal him and 5 times for anyone else at this number. So if all of your children are still registered to vote at this address and number I will call 5 times for each of them.

All of the following are lame excuses as to why you don't want to take a survey:
and will only result in you getting called back.
I don't do surveys on the phone.
I don't want to help you.
I don't want to do any %&*@#!!! surveys!
I was just leaving.
I just got home.
My kids are awake.
My kids are asleep.
Its is the weekend.
Its is...
Monday....
Tuesday....
Wednesday....
Thursday....
Friday....
Saturday....
Sunday....
It is to early
It is to late
I was in bed
I am eating.
I can't talk.(?????????)
I don't have 3 mins.
I don't have an opinion.

Who are you calling for, who is paying for this survey?
I don't know and if I did I wouldn't tell you.
The whole point is to get and honest answer and if I told you who wanted to know then I could change your answers to match what I want( and lose my job) or you would change your answers.
We are a research company we don't work for a politician or the devil we are just doing surveys.
We don't know who we are working for so that the answers are not bias.

Don't say yes you want to take a survey and then refuse to answer the questions.
I mean HELLO I did not call to fight with you just to do my job honestly I might know where you live and I might ask for your address .
if I ask for your address and you refuse then I just talked to you for however long and did the survey and now I don't get credit for it because you are an ass.( and if I am not on quota I could lose my job because you took my time for nothing and now I don't have time before the hour is up to make up for your stupid self) Yeah sometimes I can Google you but that also takes time that I don't have because I am supposed to do surveys not Google assholes who say they will take a survey ,take the survey and then refuse answer questions.
Why do i want to know your age?
So that I can make sure that I have talked to people of all ages or the target group for the study.
Or so that I know that you can vote this year.

Why do I want to know your income?
So that I can make sure that I have the opinions of all people not just one category. Lie to me if it will make you feel better to say that you make more that 100 thousand a year.

Why do I want to know your race?
Again for statistics

Why do I want to know where you DON'T work?
So that your answers aren't bias.

Why do I want to know anything that I ask because they are paying me to ask you these questions.
My favorite question to ask anyone so far is:
If Six Flags was a person.... would you describe Six Flags as....
Intelligent?
I almost fell out of my chair when I read this aloud for the first time.

Yes I would love to hear you go one for 30mins about your own personal political agenda but then again I have surveys to do just answer the questions and get this over with.
The people who love to talk and not answer questions are always the ones who whine that it is taking too long and blame it on me when I can hardly get a word in .

Yes I would like to tell you what I think about things but I can't so don't get mad at me that its not fair that I won't tell you my answers to the questions I can't because then you might agree with me and then it would be my answers and not yours . Again I have to stay neutral.
And just in case you missed the memo :
Life isn't fair.

So the next time that you go to the phone and someone wants you to take a survey

Don't be an ASS
Boost the economy by keeping people employed and
Take the survey

and if I call you don't say anything about you know me just
TAKE THE SURVEY!
and don't blow my cover OK
hey
we all love an E survey of any kind this is the same thing but none of your myspace friends will know sorry.